An Uncomfortable Conversation
Bradley, Kristal and I have been roommates for almost six years. During this time we’ve grown together, learned together, worked together, struggled and sacrificed together, celebrated together, traveled together. We shared our lives and meals together, and this was our home.
We have a great synergy and close friendship. For all intents and purposes, we were a family.
This weekend, Bradley and Kristal moved out. Not because we got into a fight or can’t stand living together anymore. It’s just time for them to move on, into their own home as a couple.
A couple of months ago, we had our first discussion of what needed to be done for us to part ways and talked about a timeline. Kristal asked me how I was doing with all of this, and said that I seemed distant lately. I had not been aware of this, but it made sense. This is a big change – for all of us. I am going to be living alone for first time in almost six years and this is going to hurt. This is going to suck. At least for a little while. And I was holding that in.
Verbalizing and talking about feelings face to face has always been difficult for me. I tend to internalize what I’m feeling, compensate with humor and / or attempt to distance myself, and express my thoughts later by writing it out in journals or songs. I suppose that’s called a defense mechanism.
But Kristal interrupted that (negative) cycle and we opened up to each other. We talked about how difficult this was going to be. We said “I love you”. We hugged. We shed a tear. We talked about how strange this going to be for all of us.
It hurt. It was difficult and it was uncomfortable (at least for me) to have this conversation.
And that’s the point. Open and honest communication is how we connect to each other. That’s how we cultivate deep, meaningful, lasting relationships with people who can helps us cope with our emotions in a healthy way.
All too often, the things we need to say to each other (and hear from each other) go unsaid. But every day we wake up is a chance to not let that happen.
How can you take a step out of your emotional comfort zone or break down your walls today? Will you take the opportunity to tell someone you love them, or that you’re sorry, or that you miss them? Will you share a meaningful conversation and a laugh, a kiss, a hug, or a cry? I hope that you will.
Finally, I would like to close this post by saying congratulations to Bradley and Kristal on your first home together, I love you both and wish you all the best!
Thank you for reading – feedback, comments and spreading of the word are all welcome and appreciated… Cheers!
There's 16 Comments So Far
October 25th, 2011 at 11:23 pm
Dennis,
This was wonderful to read. It made me think of all the times that I wanted to keep things exactly as they are. It also made me think of all those times I given advice to people to accept the change, make the move, step through the door. You are definitely correct when you say we often don’t take the opportunity to say what needs to be said. Keep reminding us.
October 25th, 2011 at 11:35 pm
There is always room for you at the retirement community!! We can hike up our pants under our arm pits and complain about the juveniles riding their bikes on the sidewalk, maybe get in a game of shuffle board then catch the early bird special at Big Boy.
October 26th, 2011 at 3:32 am
There’s always room down here in Texas somewhere. I need something to do.
October 26th, 2011 at 5:56 am
Dennis, you’re one of my favorite people on the entire planet ever!!! I miss you like crazy, always wished we’d had more open conversations, still believe in your dreams, and pray for you often. Thought about sending a text or email to see how you are, but I didn’t quite know how to start. Wishing all three of you the very best and love to you all!!!
HUUUUGE HUGS!!!
(Chief’s plan doesn’t sound half bad!)
October 26th, 2011 at 3:13 pm
Thank you Dana, I miss you too, big hugs back!
October 26th, 2011 at 3:14 pm
I’ll try to book some gigs in Texas this winter Cam, say hi to everyone for me!
October 26th, 2011 at 3:15 pm
That sounds fantastic Chief, when can I move in?
October 26th, 2011 at 3:15 pm
Thank you so much Mary! My best to you and Tom :)
October 26th, 2011 at 3:26 pm
Confronting what is difficult is what makes us grow and change in life…..and this is exactly what you are doing. Keep on keeping on!!!! Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts and experiences with us…..allowing us to relate, empathize, and even take a look into ourselves. Thanks Dennis! You do GREAT work!!!!
October 28th, 2011 at 4:16 am
Sounds good miss you guys.
November 1st, 2011 at 3:00 pm
MMMMMMM, Yes, Dennis I can “Read” (he he). I miss you guys too and I only live in Brownstown, not Texas. I’ll try to make it to the Benefit this year. Hope to see you soon even if I don’t.
November 1st, 2011 at 8:03 pm
Dennis,
You’ve taken another giant step into opening your mind to life. Lots of feelings attached to this, but nothing you can’t survive. Besides, the consequences are empowering.
Gail
November 1st, 2011 at 8:20 pm
Great message, Dennis! Thanks for helping me see my own reaction to “change” through your example. (clamming up, creating distance) The thing that occurs to me is that no matter whether we, or I, ;’like’ it, change is going to happen anyway. Also need to recognize: It’s “normal” to to feel sad, or “uncomfortable” for a bit — doesn’t mean we can’t or won’t ever move on.
Thanks again, Dennis! great stuff! keep it coming :)
November 1st, 2011 at 9:14 pm
Congratulations to Bradley and Kristal, and to you Dennis for sharing yourself so beautifully. Miss you.
Lorna
November 4th, 2011 at 11:18 pm
Hey Dennis…expressed beautifully! It is an exciting time and one of a lot of reminiscing. It is a time to look forward toward new adventures. A time to look inside and enjoy the time you have with Bradley and Krystal and time to begin to enjoy DENNIS time. You are never alone because you have such a wonderful support group. Hang in there my friend. The world is a much better place because of you and all you contribute.
November 8th, 2011 at 1:16 am
Just think…. you are not losing friends…you are gaining a ton of more beautiful memories with Krystal and Bradley. Just think… of the massive conversations you three will have all the time when catching up. Hmmmmm….. I guess me and Leah will have to walk over some cookies this week!!!
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