The Detour Project

Cultivate positive, meaningful relationships

Social Networking was built with the best of intentions (connecting people), but it seems that it is accidentally contributing to further isolation. We need real connection – positive, meaningful relationships with actual human beings. We don’t need 600 “friends”, it is impossible to be truly connected and intimate with that many people anyway. All we need is a handful of people with whom we can truly be ourselves with – people who know all of us, and for whom we know all, the good, the bad, and everything in between. These are the relationships that will matter when times get tough. These relationships develop slowly, over time as two people gradually get to know each other and let their guards down.

My overall happiness improved dramatically as I gradually learned how to express myself, and to communicate openly and honestly with the people closest to me. When we feel deeply connected to people it fills our souls with self-worth, stability and peace. For so long, I just laughed, and partied and acted as obnoxious and outrageous as possible – holding back on saying anything too revealing (even to the people who were closest to me) for fear that I would be judged, or rejected.

To cultivate and sustain meaningful relationships, we must allow ourselves to be vulnerable, and that can be scary. It’s natural to be afraid that people will judge us, or look down on us or reject us if we reveal our true selves, which includes all of our flaws and fears. So often, we try to put our best foot forward and show people only the best parts of ourselves, hiding these fears and insecurities so that we can make a good impression and so that they will “like” us. We ALL have fears and insecurities though – and what an amazing feeling when you are free to share yours, and the people who are closest to you can share theirs. You bond, you relate, you lighten each other’s loads.

It took me a LONG time to start doing this because I had spent so many years internalizing my fears and insecurities so that everyone would think I was strong – that I had it all together. It’s exhausting carrying all that weight around by yourself, and I felt like I was living a lie. What a relief when I learned that I could open up to the people I love, and that it would strengthen our bonds!

A difficult, but liberating truth to accept is that not everyone is going to like you. I was so worried about this all the time, and so focused on saying “the right thing” and trying to impress people. When I was finally able to accept that there are people who just won’t like me, for whatever reason(s), out there – I could stop thinking so much about what “the right thing” to say was and simply listen, and respond honestly and naturally. We owe it to ourselves to be true to who we are. That is how we find like-minded people and weed out the ones we just don’t have that much in common with.

We are all coming from different perspectives, circumstances and environments and we’re all just trying to do the best we can with what we’ve got. If everybody had everything in common, the world would be a very dull and boring place.

Take risks. Be vulnerable. Be YOU. At the end of our lives, the only things that will have mattered are our experiences and relationships. Not everyone is going to like you. Why waste time pretending to be someone you’re not? Be open, and honest, without worrying about what others may think. You will attract like-minded people and positive, meaningful relationships make for a fulfilling life.

A great way to find like-minded people is to explore places and groups that share your passions and interests. Your possibilities here are endless… join a club at school or at church, look online for hobby and interest groups or discussion boards, go to your local community center or library and ask about information on the different social groups and activities in your community… you will be surprised at how many people out there are ready to meet you and share your passions and interests!

Next: Define your boundaries

** this post is an excerpt from Building a Foundation for Happiness