The Detour Project

Learn How to Say No

We’ve all been there. We say “yes” to everything all the time. This can be a good thing, we get to meet new people, experience new things, and visit new places. We can also overwhelm ourselves by overloading our calendars, neglecting to take time off or away. Very often I felt obligated to say “yes” when someone asked me to do something, or be somewhere, or help with this or that or the other. I would say yes because I cared about this person and I like to help out where I can and I like doing fun things.

Sometimes, it’s just not possible to say “yes”. Prior commitments, a personal day or evening to yourself, whatever the case may be. It is OK to say “no” sometimes. A simple, polite “No, I can’t make it” or “No, that’s just not going to work for me” will do. You don’t have to describe in detail, apologize for, or defend your response any further. A reasonable person will accept a “no” without getting upset and holding it against you. We all have lives and jobs and schedules, and most people understand that. Someone who is not reasonable however, might become angry or upset and keep asking why, or continue trying to pressure or manipulate you with guilt and so we end up saying yes because we don’t want to cause conflict. We become silently resentful and the relationship suffers. In cases like this, it can be helpful to start setting boundaries, which is something that I’ll discuss a little later on.

Your needs are important too, and saying “no” sometimes allows us to say “yes” to the people, passions and activities that will enrich and fulfill our lives and will prevent people from taking us for granted or walking all over us. Remember, it’s always easier to say “yes” later to something that you originally said “no” to than saying “yes” to avoid dealing with a confrontation and having to worry about getting out of it later.

** this post is an excerpt from Building a Foundation for Happiness